yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize