Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
