I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
