we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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