I wish I could teleport
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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