That's when you crack a 10am beer
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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