We're facebook friends in real life
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
