there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
