I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
