I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
