i barfeds in our rink
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
