Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
