I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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