My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
