you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You can't motorboat a personality
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
