whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize