Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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