Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
