Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
