and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
