i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Randomize