you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
