Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
