Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
