Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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