Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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