if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
