your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
