You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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