Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The air taste purple.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
