oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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