i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
