i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
