I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
