Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
