how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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