Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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