so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
