I like to think it a success when the cops are called
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
