My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
