My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
