accomplished twins. life is a go
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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