home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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