Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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