the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
