YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
