how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize