im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
