i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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