Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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