I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just sucked dick on a ferry
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
