How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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