Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
