guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
